Tuesday Letters

Daddio,

I miss you. I have been trying to think of some poetic beginning to this and I keep coming back to this. I miss you. 

The sun has rose and set 364 times since I last held your hand. Tomorrow marks one year since you moved on to the next chapter of your story. It's been hard. Hard doesn't even begin to describe it actually. So much has happened since you left, of course you know all about it. 

I still catch myself thinking " I'll call Dad to ask him ___________."  I know most of the family has the same thought. You were so smart. You literally knew everything, Dad. You spoiled us with knowledge and random facts. Johny says I've inherited that from you. A trait I will proudly uphold. 

I know you've been super busy up there, although I often wonder, with what? I know there is so much to be done. I'm sure you have some super important job. I hope it is one that allows you to "piddlefart" now and then. I know how much you enjoyed that. 

I try to imagine what you look like in Heaven. Unmarred by age, illness, or broken terrariums. I picture a tall, handsome man with red curly hair. I also imagine you whistling beautiful tunes more often than not. It's a nice picture. One that I look forward to witnessing firsthand some day.

I feel your spirit often. Sometimes when I really need it and often when I least expect it. Thank you. Being a daddy's girl in a world without dad isn't easy. I know you were with me the first morning back to "life" after your death. You sat on the edge of the bed and consoled me to sleep after Johny left for work. You sat with us in church the other Sunday. I saw your big, soft hands set perfectly over mine. I know you can't always be around but these subtle moments bring warmth to me heart.

Soon Johndaniel and I will be sealed in the Gilbert Temple for time and all eternity. (Wasn't that a celebration to remember? Gosh, you must have had quite to view up there!) He promised to take me to the temple and he is going to do just that. I told you he was a keeper! It has been decided that I will be sealed to you and Mimi directly, a question that has been looming for 24 years! Words cannot describe the excitement and peace that filled my heart knowing I will be connected to you as your daughter forever. 

There was a short period of time where I struggled immensely. I was concerned. Johndaniel was concerned. It was scary and I wasn't sure how I was going to deal with it. Heavenly Father works in mysterious ways. I believe that I needed that time. The time when even a millisecond of a thought of your would take me to a deep and dark corner of myself. I don't want to ever go back to that time. And that is exactly how I dealt with it. I refused to think of you and let it bring me sadness. You never brought sadness to my life when you were here, why should that change now that you are gone? So I resolved to only think of you with happiness, pride, love, laughter, and everything else that brings a smile to my face. 

I hope that over the last year I have made choices that allow you to look down on me with pride. I hope you feel my love for you everyday. I hope that you are loving on our future babies, and telling them everything they need to know in order to make Johndaniel and me the best parents we can be. I hope that you continue to guide me, just as you always have. 

You always told me I was the light of your life. Little did you know, you are the light in mine. 

Until next time Daddio,

Moses

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There is no end to glory; 

There is no end to love; 

There is no end to being; 

There is no death above. 

There is no end to glory; 

There is no end to love; 

There is no end to being; 

There is no death above. 

(Hymns of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 284. If You Could Hie to Kolob)