Tuesday Letters: Childhood Cancer Survivors
Dear Warrior,
How are you? Yeah. How are you really? That's what I thought. It's a weird adjustment isn't it? Going back to real life. Especially when you know what real life is. Trust me. I can totally relate. It has been almost 10 years since my diagnosis and even still, sometimes the reality of it all sneaks up and bites me in the butt. One would think that after ten years it would get... Easier. Happier. More celebratory. But I was reminded today at the severity of it all. And I am sure that you have experienced this. I know you know what I mean. You are the only one who does.
No one will ever know what it is like on the front-lines except for you and me. Even when you try to explain it to others, the real story gets lost in translation. We speak our own kind of language-you and me. If you are like me you end up having conversations with yourself because there aren't really many people to talk to. There aren't many because, for some reason, you survived while so many didn't. Don't. Won't. In so many ways we are alone. But this morning I realized something. We are NOT alone. We have each other. Even though I don't know you personally and may never meet you in person. I want you to know that you are not and never will be alone. I am here and I know exactly what you are feeling.
I know what it's like to wonder "why me?". And to so many it seems like we are ungrateful for being given a second chance. That is simply not the case. What people don't understand is that there is a certain feeling of guilt that accompanies us. And sadness. And fear. Even now, almost at my 10 year mark (that span of time when you are "all clear!") I experience these intense feelings at the most random times. Like now.
You are not alone. You are strong. You are brave. Your friends are watching over you, always with you. I am here, wherever "here" is, stretching out a hand in solidarity. Please know you are not alone.
With utmost love and respect,
Moquie-Warrior (Ewing's Sarcoma, 2005)
*This one is for you Tony, Andre, and Sutton. <3*
How are you? Yeah. How are you really? That's what I thought. It's a weird adjustment isn't it? Going back to real life. Especially when you know what real life is. Trust me. I can totally relate. It has been almost 10 years since my diagnosis and even still, sometimes the reality of it all sneaks up and bites me in the butt. One would think that after ten years it would get... Easier. Happier. More celebratory. But I was reminded today at the severity of it all. And I am sure that you have experienced this. I know you know what I mean. You are the only one who does.
No one will ever know what it is like on the front-lines except for you and me. Even when you try to explain it to others, the real story gets lost in translation. We speak our own kind of language-you and me. If you are like me you end up having conversations with yourself because there aren't really many people to talk to. There aren't many because, for some reason, you survived while so many didn't. Don't. Won't. In so many ways we are alone. But this morning I realized something. We are NOT alone. We have each other. Even though I don't know you personally and may never meet you in person. I want you to know that you are not and never will be alone. I am here and I know exactly what you are feeling.
I know what it's like to wonder "why me?". And to so many it seems like we are ungrateful for being given a second chance. That is simply not the case. What people don't understand is that there is a certain feeling of guilt that accompanies us. And sadness. And fear. Even now, almost at my 10 year mark (that span of time when you are "all clear!") I experience these intense feelings at the most random times. Like now.
You are not alone. You are strong. You are brave. Your friends are watching over you, always with you. I am here, wherever "here" is, stretching out a hand in solidarity. Please know you are not alone.
With utmost love and respect,
Moquie-Warrior (Ewing's Sarcoma, 2005)
*This one is for you Tony, Andre, and Sutton. <3*
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